Rest Is a Leadership Decision

I’m two weeks into not smoking.

I’m also an advanced meditation teacher and coach.

And this week, I genuinely wondered if getting up to make coffee counted as “enough activity” for the day.

Spoiler alert: it did.

Everyone tells you nicotine leaves your body in 72 hours. What they don’t tell you is that the psychological patterns don’t clock out that quickly. They linger. They protest. They throw a quiet tantrum.

I expected to feel clearer. Lighter. Energized.

Instead, I felt exhausted. Unmotivated. Depleted.

My body was recalibrating. My nervous system was resetting. And rather than rising heroically into a new, optimized version of myself, I was horizontal on the couch wondering why everything felt like so much.

The cravings weren’t really about nicotine anymore. They surged every time stress appeared. Every time one of my kids needed something. Every time a “have to” entered the room.

I used to step outside for a cigarette and take two minutes to breathe.

Two minutes alone. Two minutes of pause.

The cigarette was never the point.

The pause was.

Every time a craving hit this week, I did a breathing exercise instead. Nothing dramatic. Just space. Just breath. Just interruption of the pattern.

The Identity Beneath the Habit

But here’s where it got uncomfortable.

The old version of me would have powered through this phase. Ignored the depletion. Pushed past the fog. Worked anyway.

That’s the identity high-performers cling to — the one that equates discomfort with weakness and rest with laziness.

I’ve lived that version before.

Fear of falling behind.
Fear of being late.
Fear of not doing enough.

Underneath it all: the belief that my value is tied to output.

This week, I almost slipped back into it.

I almost worked on my books.
My newsletter.
Everything.

Instead, I rested.

Not because I “should.”
But because I wanted to protect what I’m building — internally and externally.

That is Inner Risk Management in real time.

The Strategic Risk of Ignoring Depletion

Ignoring depletion signals and pushing anyway is the fastest path back to burnout. Leaders do it every day without realizing they’re taking that risk.

Quitting something harmful didn’t require more willpower.

It required more rest.

Let that sink in.

I even found myself Googling, “Is it normal to not feel okay two weeks after quitting smoking?” because apparently even meditation teachers need reassurance sometimes.

This wasn’t really about smoking.

It was about noticing how quickly I revert to over-functioning when stress rises. How fast the old productivity wiring tries to take the wheel. How seductive it is to feel useful instead of feel tired.

Rest isn’t lazy.

Sometimes rest is the most regulated, self-led choice you can make.

If you’re in a season of transition — quitting something, starting something, shifting identities — pay attention to the urge to push.

The pause IS the work.